


The One With The Couch Cushions

by delicatelyglitterywriter



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Multi, fluff fluff nothing but fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:56:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9096193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicatelyglitterywriter/pseuds/delicatelyglitterywriter
Summary: Bobbi, Jemma and Daisy: Three college girls with definitely way to much time on their hands.
Hunter, Fitz and Trip: Three college boys who spent $270 on 3 couch cushions. 
This is the story of how they got the cushions back.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SuperIrishBreakfastTea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperIrishBreakfastTea/gifts).



> This is based entirely off a story SuperIrish (briefly) told on Tumblr.

**Part 1  
**

“Shh, Daisy, not so loud, or they’ll hear us!”

“Oh, come on, Bobbi, as if you don’t want to laugh at this, too,” Daisy retorted, swinging her body around to whack her friend with the giant cushion. Bobbi let out a sound between a yelp and a stifled laugh.

“Guys, come on!” Jemma hissed. “Campus security is going to be passing by any moment!”

The two girls bit down on their bottom lips to keep from laughing and ran after Jemma. They made it to their dorm without getting caught by campus security, and they all let out a relieved sigh. Bobbi reached for thee keys to open the door, when she realised that they weren’t on her.

“Hey, guys, who has the keys?”

“You do,” the two replied unanimously.

“No, I don’t…oh crap.”

“Bobbi, are you trying to tell us that we’re locked out?” Jemma asked, dropping her cushion to place her hands on her hips.

“…yes?”

“Oh my god.” Jemma’s hands went from her hips to cradling her face in her palms. Daisy on the other hand was doubled over with laughter.

“Oh my god,” she laughed. Bobbi pulled her mouth to one side, thinking deeply.

“Hey, Jems, give me your bobby pins,” Bobbi instructed suddenly. Jemma looked up from her spot on the floor.

“Pardon?”

“Your bobby pins. I can pick the lock.”

“You can pick locks?”

“Yeah, sure.” Bobbi shrugged. Jemma raised her eyebrows skeptically.

“Something about that tone tells me you’ve never done this before.” Despite her comment, Jemma handed over two bobby pins.

“They do it all the time on TV,” Bobbi pointed out, shrugging again and starting to bend the bobby pins. “And I’ve watched a few YouTube videos on how to do it. How hard can it be?”

As it turns out, it was a lot harder than it looked. After about three dozen tries, Daisy insisted she take over, but quickly gave up and so Jemma tried and failed. Eventually, the janitor came by and let them borrow her key to let themselves in. After a hearty thank you and a hurried attempt from all three of them simultaneously trying to lie about the cushions, they all sighed in relief and flopped down onto the couch. A half minute later, they all collapsed into giggles.

They all agreed later that their little adventure was well worth-it.

* * *

 

**Part 2**

“I’m telling you, Fitz, she’s going to love it!” Trip said, slapping Fitz on the back. He grunted, but smiled nonetheless.

“You really think so?”

“This is for Jemma Simmons, yeah?” Hunter checked, and Fitz nodded, “then hell yeah she’s gonna love it. She’s going to be all like, ‘Oh Fitz! You shouldn’t have! You are too sweet!’”

“Jemma does not sound like that!” Fitz defended, giving a laughing Hunter a shove and pushed the door open, before switching on the lights. “And Trip stop encouraging…”

Fitz trailed off, staring at the empty space in front of him. Hunter and Trip looked over, equally surprised by the lack of in their living room.

“Where are our couch cushions?” Fitz stared with wide eyes.

“What the heck?” Trip furrowed his brow

“Why the bloody hell would they steal our couch cushions?” Hunter threw his arms up in the air, exasperated. All three of them stood there, exasperated, until Trip spotted something on their bench.

“Hey, look,” he said, pointing to something that resembled a bullet. Fitz was the first one to touch it, and he quickly discovered that the ‘bullet’ came apart.

“It’s a USB drive,” he said, examining it. “Although why the company decided to shape it like a bullet, is perplexing.”

“Give it here,” Hunter said, snatching it and going to plug it into his laptop.

“Wait!” Fitz shouted, yanking Hunter’s hand away. “We can’t just plug it in! We don’t know what’s on it!”

“That’s kind of the whole reason you plug a USB drive into a device,” Hunter said slowly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“We don’t know what’s on it!” Fitz repeated. “It could have a virus that’ll crash your whole computer or worse!”

Hunter rolled his eyes. “Riddle me this, Fitzy: why would anyone break in just to take couch cushions and leave a virus?”

“Yeah, Turbo, doesn’t make much sense,” Trip agreed. Fitz sighed and shook his head, then held his hands up in surrender.

“Fine. But if you lose all your notes, that’s on you."

“Yeah, yeah,” Hunter mumbled, pulling the USB drive into his laptop. He opened the contents, which consisted of one docx file and one mp4 file. He clicked on the document file, because he wasn’t a dummy; he knew that viruses were more common in video files than documents.

_Hey Hunter. Hey Trip. Hey Fitz._

_Feeling a bit paranoid about viruses are we? Don’t make that face, it’s statistics that people tend to prefer videos over documents, but you also know the stats of viruses in videos as compared to documents, so it’s no wonder you opened the document first. But don’t worry, there are no viruses attached. We promise. Cross our hearts and hope to die._

_Also, you might wanna watch the video ASAP. Your couch cushions are getting desperate._

_~The Couch Cushion Thieves_

Hunter then closed it and opened up the video. The video began with their couch cushions, with scared faces stuck on them with black construction paper, tied up on another couch, one that had all its cushions. Then, a voice started speaking. The voice belonged to Daisy

“If you boys ever want to see your couch cushions you’ll do exactly as we say.”

“We’ve got to tell them what our demands are!”

Bobbi appeared with a bandana over her mouth couch, holding up a chainsaw  as Daisy snapped at Jemma. “Yes, yes, I’m getting to that shhh.”

The boys were too shocked to do anything other than keep watching.

“As I was saying, we want those discount coupons you have for Domino’s Pizza. All of them. Deliver them in an envelope and slide them under our door. Then walk away. We’ll return your cushions after we’re satisfied that they’re all there. Follow these instructions exactly or you don’t ever get your couch cushions back.”

For emphasis, Bobbi placed the chainsaw on the edge of the nearest cushion and made a revving sound with her mouth, and the threat crystal clear. Then the video ended.

A moment’s silence passed as the boys processed what they had just seen. Trip was the first to break the silence.

“So, what do we do?”

“Well, I know one thing’s for sure: we’re never giving them what they want!” Hunter declared, slamming his fist on the desk. “We worked hard for those coupons!”

“…we literally just received them in the mail, Hunter,” Fitz pointed out.

“Yeah, which we spent a lot of time and energy signing up to get!” Hunter said. Fitz sighed and shook his head. All they’d done was gone down to Domino’s and signed their signatures to receive discounts in the mail. Not really that time or energy consuming.

“Hunter, have you no concept of how these things work?” Fitz snapped. “We go along with the captor’s demands and get our cushions back!”

“Yeah, as long as their demands don’t include coupons that-”

“We worked very hard to get, we get it man,” Trip finished for him, giving him a slap on the back.

“ _She was holding a freaking chainsaw, Hunter!_ ” Fitz shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “And those cushions cost $90. Each!”

“And see, that’s the flaw in their plan!” Hunter jumped in. “Bobbi would never allow $90 cushions go to waste! I’ll bet good money that they’re going to sell them on eBay.”

“If you had any money,” Trip pointed out and Hunter dismissed his comment with a wave of his hand.

“Beside the point, Trip. The point is, we’re not losing those cushions to a chainsaw.”

“Why does Bobbi even have a chainsaw?” Fitz wondered. Hunter shrugged.

“She’s a demented hellbeast, what more can you expect?”

Okay, fair assessment, Fitz thought. “But they still cost $90 and we don’t have enough to buy them back from the girls.”

Hunter smirked at him, with a devious twinkle in his eye. “Which is where my plan comes in.”

* * *

 

**Part 3**

An hour later, Hunter’s plan as laid out for the others. It was sneaky, ingenious and yet embarrassingly simple. The boys quickly agreed that it was a good plan, and so it was set into motion.

_**Step 1: Get the keys off Jemma** _

Fitz bumped into Jemma in the lab - quite literally. She was carrying a large stack of papers from one bench to the other, and he walked into her. Of course, this caused Jemma to lose her balance, and therefore let go of her papers. Both Jemma and her papers toppled onto the ground.

“Oh my gosh, Jemma, I’m so sorry!” Fitz apologised, immediately bending down to help her. “Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry! It was a complete accident!”

Was it an accident? Absolutely not.

“Oh, Fitz, don’t worry about it,” Jemma said, allowing Fitz help her gather up her papers. “We all get a bit clumsy sometimes.”

“Yeah, just me so more than others,” Fitz mumbled, fumbling with the papers.

**_Step 2: Trip swipes the keys and duplicates them_ **

While Fitz was fumbling with the papers, Trip quietly bent down and swiped the dorm key that had tumbled out of Jemma’s pocket when she fell. He then went over to the nearest bench and pressed it into the mould, just like Hunter had taught him to do the night before.

When he was satisfied, he closed the mould and silently placed the keys back where he found them. Then he hurried off to the metalwork room.

There, he melted the metal he needed and poured it into the mould, humming a few tunes while he waited for it to set. Once it was done, he pulled the duplicated key out and turned it around in his hand, admiring his work.

“Grandpa always said I was gonna be a metalworker.”

**_Step 3: Get the girls out of the dorm_ **

Fitz’s head rose as he heard Jemma laughing. She was with both Bobbi and Daisy, and they were walking side by side as they entered the auditorium. Fitz smirked as they sat down closer to the front. He knew they wouldn’t miss a ‘special screening’ of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. It hadn’t been that hard to arrange, really. He’d just bribed a couple of people in authority with Domino’s coupons (despite Hunter’s protests; but he’d only had to give away three).

He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Hunter and Trip.

_The ship is in the harbour. Repeat: the ship is in the harbour. Execute plan._

No, he had not come up with that code. That code was Hunter’s idea.

**_Step 4: Retrieve the cushions and leave our gift._ **

Hunter carefully pushed open the door, making sure there were no booby traps or people who may be inside. The door opened without so much as a squeak and he poked his head in, sweeping the area with both his eyes and ears. When satisfied he stood up straight.

“Clear!” he hissed, motioning for Trip to come. Trip grinned as he pushed the wheelbarrow of pizza boxes through the door. Hunter shut the door behind them and then returned Trip's grin.

“Alright, I’ll find the cushions, you arrange the pizza boxes.”

As Trip started unloading the pizza boxes, Hunter searched the dorm for the cushions. His search didn’t last long; he quickly found them in the corner of Bobbi’s room. They were uncovered, unhidden. Hunter smirked to himself. The girls had no idea.

He wandered back into the living room and found Trip placing the boxes around delicately. Hunter dropped the cushions and helped him, and together, they both managed to get all 200 pizza boxes laid out all over the place. Then, they dumped the cushions in the wheelbarrow and left, locking the door behind them.

**_Step 5: Destroy the key, then wait for the girls’ reactions_ **

The destruction wasn’t Hunter’s idea. Fitz insisted they did it, because it was the right thing to do. Trip backed him up, saying that keeping the key would give them power that they could easily decide to abuse. So the key was melted in the metalwork room, and the mould reset, too.

Trip and Hunter had then settled down to watch Fast and Furious while they waited for Fitz to return and the girls to see their dorm room.

No sooner had they finished their movie than Fitz entered their apartment.

“Hey, mate, how’d it go?”

“Flawlessly.” He smiled at his friends, who shared smiles with each other, too.

“What about the girls?”

“They’ll be back at their dorm,” he glanced down at his watch, “right about now.”

“Nice. Come on, mate, let’s order pizza to celebrate.” Hunter went to the Domino’s website so that he could use a coupon. The page hadn’t even loaded before Hunter’s phone rang. He grinned when he saw who it was.

“Guys, it’s Bob.” He put speakerphone on, answered it and then placed it down on the table. ‘Hey, Bob. What’s up?”

“Hey, Hunter. You wouldn’t happen to know about two hundred-odd empty pizza boxes in our dorm would you?”

Fitz covered his mouth to keep from laughing and Trip stretched his neck and looked away, leaving Hunter to answer her.

“Why, Bobbi, I can’t believe you’d accuse me of such a thing!” he said, trying to sound as if he were highly offended. “I’m hurt!”

But, of course, Bobbi saw right through his act right away. “You’re going to be hurting a lot more when I see you again.”

“Promises, promises,” Hunter taunted. “Besides, I have nice, soft, couch cushions I can lay on after my beating, and two wonderful roommates who’ll order me lots of pizza, using Domino’s coupons so they can stay out debt.”

A dial tone followed, and the three of them collapsed into laughter. They all agreed that their little adventure was well worth-it.


End file.
